Filling a Void with Nothing

Addictions

Earlier in my life while I was still a student in middle school I was introduced to the concept of addiction. One particular example was in grade 6 when we did a special unit called VIP, Values Influences and Peers. Once a week a police officer came in to talk to us about how we should choose our friends and what types of activities we became involved in as we became more independent. We watched a film titled “Through a Blue Lens” which described the life of a junkie in Vancouver. Other times we would watch movies about smoking and people who used to smoke but had chosen to quit and had either succeeded or were in the process of succeeding. In all of these encounters with the chemically dependent it seemed to me that those who faced the challenge of breaking their addiction were given special attention and gratification from friends, family, and the people who presented these stories to us. They seemed to receive a sort of glorification that attracted me. I remember briefly entertaining the thought of starting an addiction of some sort purely to take on the challenge of promptly defeating it. Of course I never actually carried this out but it makes me wonder at the nature of addictions. What would make someone start something that they knew would cost them a lot of money and possibly their life?

Now, older and maybe a bit wiser or at least more educated, analyzing addictions they seem an odd habit. I find it easy to encourage others to quit their addictions and to look down on those who cannot or choose to not overcome their afflictions. There must be something about need and fulfillment of that need that is comforting. In my own experience of addiction I first partook to receive some sort of return. However, minutes after I'm filled with regret and confusion as to whether I did the wrong thing. And yet after making a decision to rule out this addiction as even a remote option I find myself returning to it only days later.

Why? Perhaps for the fleeting comfort that it brings to some sort of void. Whatever comfort there is disappears leaving only regret and yet another declaration of never again. The mind plays tricks on your heart convincing you that it really is okay. Thinking too hard about the ethics behind such an addiction does not allow one to continue with it so this is avoided. The thinking comes after when you realize you're wrong to skirt around the issues and continue on. On further consideration there is really no benefit to the action and nothing is gained that won't disappear and once again create a desire that needs to be filled.

It comes down to doing what you know what is right. If you regret it after, don't do it. If you find evidence that it's wrong stop it. Don't make excuses, don't allow indulgence once a week. Find ways to recognize your addiction and distract yourself from it until the need passes. Who do you want to be and does this make you that person? (H. Huebner) I have new appreciation for the difficulty that quitting an addiction brings and new fervor to persevere.